Guilt is for me a gnawing feeling I get in my gut. A little voice inside telling me I’m not good at the multi tasking that is my day to day life.
So I have
Mum guilt. Probably had this for nigh on 19 years….
Family Guilt. Am I spending as much time with my family/ extended family as they need me to.
Friend Guilt. Am I being a good friend to all those who support me.
And that’s just for starters….
And I’m like a juggler.
There’s always going to be the Mum Guilt. I think that comes with the elevated position of being a mother. I signed that contract a long time ago, and there’s no going back. I just have to continue to remind myself is:
They are alive
They are healthy
They are (mostly) happy….
They don’t necessarily need a spotless bathroom floor to be successful…
Family Guilt is a hard one. Everyone has busy lives, but my nieces and nephews are growing up so quickly. I try as much as I can to attend Christmas concerts etc etc. And I am already failing on this aspect as I have 2 nieces and 1 nephew in New Zealand. And as yet I haven’t travelled there. And it’s not looking likely any time soon. I try to at least text or whatsapp my Father in law and parents most days. But how much responsibility should I take with my extended family. Or do I simply accept that we all have busy lives and they know I’m here if they need me?
Now for the biggie. Friend Guilt. This is really bugging me. I speak to my best girlfriend most days. She’s my therapist. Especially when I can’t get to my horse (aka my psychiatrist).
There comes a point when we can no longer just take a flight of stairs or meet for lunch to see all our close friends. And while there are more ways than ever to stay connected, it’s also easy to feel like you’re drifting when the extent of your staying in touch is via Facebook walls or texts.
Boring bit alert- I, as you know, like all the social media technology… and have been dabbling in Snapchat. And I have really liked it. But the new update is awful. And I’m now very tempted to stop using it. Except- I have a few friends that I love chatting to on Snapchat. And through no fault of anyone- we never seem to get to meet up. So Snapchat is the only way we communicate. And I’m loathe to lose that contact. And Facebook is great to have contact for general happy birthdays/ congrats with cousins and our extended circle of “friends”.
I have other college friends whom I meet once a year or so, and whatsapp every now and then. But we have long ago acknowledged this type of contact works for us. And we are there for each other if at any stage we are needed. We live in different parts of the country, and it works for us.
So how much effort should we all make? I try my best. I really do. But the guilt is very real. And the feeling of isolation.
So what’s the answer? Millions of whatsapp groups? Making a regular commitment to meet for dinner/ lunch? I have no idea. Answers on a postcard please..